Coping with Judgment: Navigating the Decision to Stop Trying for a Baby

For many women facing infertility, the decision to stop trying for a baby is deeply personal and incredibly difficult. While this choice may bring a sense of closure or relief, it can also be accompanied by anxiety about the judgment or opinions of others. Friends, family and even acquaintances may not understand the emotional toll that infertility takes or why you’ve made this decision, often leading to insensitive questions or unsolicited advice. This judgment can add extra weight to your already challenging process.

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In this blog, we’ll explore ways to cope with the fear of judgment from others when you decide to stop trying to conceive, and how to prioritise your emotional wellbeing through it all.

1. Trust Your Decision

The first step in navigating judgment from others is being confident in your own decision. Only you and your partner truly understand the depth of your journey, the emotional and physical strain it has taken and what feels right for your life going forward. It’s important to remember that stopping fertility treatments or deciding to take a different path, doesn’t mean you’ve failed – it means you’re choosing what’s best for your mental, emotional and physical health.

Ways to strengthen your confidence:

• Reaffirm your reasons: Write down the reasons behind your decision. Whether it’s due to emotional exhaustion, financial strain or simply knowing you’ve reached your limit, having clarity on why you made this choice will help you stay grounded when others offer their opinions.
• Acknowledge your courage: Deciding to stop trying isn’t giving up; it’s an act of bravery. You’ve been through a difficult journey and choosing to prioritise your wellbeing is a courageous step.

2. Set Boundaries with Others

One of the most challenging aspects of stopping your fertility journey is managing other people’s opinions. Well-meaning friends or family members might not realise how hurtful their comments can be. It’s important to set boundaries and protect yourself from intrusive or judgemental remarks.

Tips for setting boundaries:

• Be clear and direct: If someone asks about your decision or offers unsolicited advice, it’s ok to be clear about your boundaries. You could say something like, “We’ve made the decision that’s best for us and we’re focusing on healing. I’d prefer not to discuss it further.”
• Limit your exposure to certain conversations: If particular friends or family members are consistently judgmental or unsupportive, consider limiting your interactions with them or avoiding conversations about fertility altogether.
• Lean on supportive people: Surround yourself with people who understand your decision and are empathetic to your journey. Having a solid support system can make it easier to handle any judgment from others.

3. Reframe Judgment as Reflection

Often, people’s judgments say more about them than they do about you. Many individuals project their own fears, expectations or lack of understanding onto others. If someone criticises your decision to stop trying, it may reflect their discomfort with infertility or their own biases about family-building, rather than any fault in your choice.

How to reframe judgment:

• Recognise it’s not about you: Remind yourself that others’ opinions are based on their own perspectives and may not take into account the complexities of your situation.
• Stay compassionate, but firm: While it’s natural to feel hurt by judgmental comments, try to practice compassion for those who may not understand what you’re going through. However, you can still be firm in standing up for yourself and your decisions.

4. Find Empowerment in Your Story

Taking ownership of your fertility story can be empowering. By embracing your decision, you’ll feel less vulnerable to outside opinions and judgments. You can decide how much or how little you want to share with others and how you want to narrate your story.

Ways to own your story:

• Decide how much to share: You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Whether you choose to share every detail or only a brief overview, the amount of information you give is entirely up to you.
• Control the narrative: If you do choose to share your story, focus on the strength and resilience you’ve shown throughout your journey. By framing your story in terms of personal growth and self-care, you can help others understand the depth of your decision.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Choosing to stop trying for a baby can stir up a range of emotions, from grief and loss to guilt or self-doubt. These feelings are completely normal. It’s essential to practice self-compassion as you navigate this phase of your journey.

How to practice self-compassion:

• Acknowledge your emotions: Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up – whether it’s sadness, anger or relief. These feelings are valid and giving yourself space to process them is an important part of healing.
• Be gentle with yourself: Avoid being harsh or critical with yourself during this time. You’ve made the best decision for your wellbeing and it’s ok to take time to adjust and grieve the end of this chapter.
• Celebrate your strength: Recognise the resilience you’ve shown through your fertility journey and the strength it takes to make such a difficult decision. Celebrate the fact that you’re prioritising your wellbeing and taking control of your life’s direction.

6. Seek Support from Others Who Understand

One of the best ways to cope with the fear of judgment is by connecting with others who have walked a similar path. Whether through online support groups, in-person fertility communities or coaching, finding people who understand the emotional challenges of infertility can be incredibly validating and comforting.

How to find support:

• Join a support group: There are many online and in-person support groups specifically for women who have gone through infertility. These groups provide a safe space to share your feelings without fear of judgment.
• Talk to a Counsellor or Coach: If the judgment from others is weighing heavily on you, consider speaking with a Coach or Counselor who specialises in infertility or grief. They can help you work through your emotions and develop healthy coping strategies.
• Reach out to trusted friends: Lean on close friends or family members who have been supportive throughout your journey. Sometimes just talking through your feelings with someone who understands can make a world of difference.

Conclusion

Deciding to stop trying for a baby is a deeply personal decision that requires immense strength and courage. It’s natural to fear judgment from others, but by trusting your decision, setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion, you can navigate this phase with confidence and resilience. Remember, your journey is your own and no one else’s opinion can diminish the strength and wisdom it takes to prioritise your wellbeing.

Ultimately, the only approval you need is your own. You know what’s best for your body, mind and future. As you move forward, focus on healing, finding peace and embracing the new chapter ahead.